I went to it last year, and ended up taking my top off in the hope of winning some underwear. Alas I didn’t win, but the lady who did looked like she really needed new undies so I’m not too upset about it. I also got a certificate to prove that I have mastered some basics in pole dancing. I made it fun for myself because, dammit, I had paid the admittance fee. I wasn’t going to waste that without giving it a good shot and trying to have as much fun as I could. I remember leaving, thinking last year that it would have been a waste of time if I hadn’t made an effort to have some fun, the stalls were much of a muchness and the retailers seemed a bit embarrassed to be there. So I went again this year, with the same thoughts in mind, to make it fun for myself. I tried, I went to see the shadow show and the body art and the pole dancing show, and frankly if it hadn’t been for Tracey Simmonds the show would have been boring. The shadow show was prerecorded (which I’m sure is some cardinal sin in the world of sexual entertainment), the stalls were even more mundane than last year, and the giant genital mascots were there last year too and still weren’t funny. The people working at the show didn’t seem as shy as last year, I must admit, which might just be because they already walked around naked last year, so no big deal.
Tracey Simmonds however was amazing. She saved the show for me. It would have been a complete waste of entrance fee if it hadn’t been for her. Check her out on http://www.traceysimmonds.com/ She really does stuff most of us couldn’t do on the ground let alone on a pole. She put our local Mavericks and Teazers girls to shame. Granted she did win Miss Pole Dancing UK, so she would be expected to be pretty good.
So no good complaining about something if I can’t offer suggestions to improve it. I’d like to see less of, giant walking penis and vagina mascots, unless they can remake the costumes to not put people off sex for weeks. Fewer shops selling bad fake jewelry and plastic handbags with Marilyn Monroe crudely printed on it. I’d like to see more lingerie in a variety of price brackets; I’d like to see a greater variety of toys, once again in a variety of price ranges. It felt like you were either going to spend thousands of rands getting some reinforced leather item that can support a grown woman’s weight suspended from a ceiling, or alternatively some very dodgy plastic object that can’t obviously go anywhere near passion because looking at it too long will break it. There is a world of sex paraphernalia I don’t even know about, and at this rate might never find out about because they don’t somehow make it to the Sexpo. Less giant inflatable penis and more objects of substance, if you get my drift.
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